I am furious with myself.
I was praying that after last time when I asked for help when our apartment was fumigated and we were starving in a motel 6 that that would be the last time, but it’s not. It’s been a ridiculously hard summer financially. I’ve been fairly depressed about it, too, sleeping most of the day away 1.) because I am too depressed to do anything and 2.) because there’s only enough food to eat one meal a day and by waking up later I don’t feel as hungry.
But I’ll just cut to the chase: it’s my housing payment for school. After my financial aid return, I’ll still owe $904. It’s due October 1st. Short of selling my organs on the black market, I’m fucked. That’s a month’s rent.
I just can’t anymore. I’m so frustrated all I could do was cry even thinking of asking for help again or of being judged. I’ve done all I can, I don’t even care anymore. It hurts me so much to even ask.
I’ve applied for scholarships through my fraternity and sent out job applications for my work study. I’ve been poor my entire life and college is important to me. No one in my immediate family ever went to college and now I’m studying my dream at one of the best film schools in the world. And yet every day I feel like a failure because I barely have enough money to get by. It’ll get better once I’m hired or if my mom gets on disability for her back I’m sure, but the beginning of the year is always the hardest. I still have to get basics for my university apartment. I still have to get new clothes (to replace things with holes). I don’t know anymore.
I don’t know why I wrote all of this. I feel as though I need to justify myself further. I don’t know.
Thank you. I’m sorry.
So, if you’ve been following me for the past year, my mom lost her job and couldn’t get another one until almost 9 months after unemployment benefits crumbled in December. Two days ago, (8/24) she got hired as a cashier for the gas station down the street. It’s a basic $7.25 job and I found out through some of the employees there that no matter how long you work, they don’t give raises unless you move up to management. My brother’s working for the same wage at Mcdonald’s and I just started working again Monday (9/1). I asked the shift manager if I was still going to be team leader and get my raise and she said I would but hilariously refuse to tell me what my increase is looking like and it will take almost four weeks.
I’m sorry to keep asking for help, but our primary issue at the moment is the rent. We’re about to be two months behind ($1200) and since the sheriff knows our situation, we think he may give us some leeway but it’s always good to try to keep on top of these things. If you could reblog this post and spread it, my mom’s paypal email is: firstname.lastname@example.org and I have a donation link on my page. I’m replacing the old post with this one in my description, as well.
Thank you guys so much !
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The baby glitch has me in stitches.
I love how she’s looking at the baby like “why!?”